KAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNN!!!! That is all.

Sunday morning I was set to go play paintball with the girlie, and my little brother. After getting all the gear packed I still hadn't heard from my little brother about where and when to pick him up. So after calling him around ten times I decided to call my dad. Unlike myself, my little brother and my dad actually have a relationship where he goes over and visits more than two or three times a year. My dad didn't immediately answer, but he did call me back a few seconds later. Turns out he was on his way to Austin. He'll be there for two months to go to rehab for his alcoholism. I've found out what it's costing, and how much of a discount my father has been given because the director is a good friend of my step mom's. While I wound up going and kicking ass on the paintball field, I can't help but wonder if the reason I feel like I had the best weekend in a long time isn't because of the news of my dad. However I also have the underlying feeling that, knowing what I know, if he doesn't stay sober...or worse doesn't even complete the program. That I will completely estrange myself from my father. I find that even though I have all these people to talk to those who can probably understand these feelings the most I don't ever get the chance to talk to anymore. Maybe not for want of trying...but definitely for lack there of, by both parties.

We meet again Mr. Bond...

So growing up I always wanted to be a Comedian, Actor, Musician, and at one point a Writer. I think the only time pre-20s that I wanted to be in a profession that didn't involve entertaining people was when I wanted to be an astronaut. While I'm still very interested in the aspect of space exploration, my math skills just aren't strong enough for that to even be a possibility. After graduating from High School however all of those ideal jobs I entertained were shoved aside, and further buried as I got older, dropped out, got a job, started back to college, and even got my own place. The real world just seemed to drain me of all my creative nature. There have been momentary spurts through my classes where I was able to tap into it out of necessity. However lately I've found the urge to write, blow the dust off my camera and throw some new batteries in it as if I'm actually going to go take some pictures. This is part of the reason as to why I'm writing a new post after such a long hiatus. Here's hoping I can keep up with it this time, seeing as how one of my primary reasons for even starting this blog was to help break the writers block.

I have problems committing to a bitch called education

I have started back to school full time this semester. The first time since I was 18. I've never really worked hard in school, nor have I known how. Last time I took a full load I wasn't mature enough, nor did I care enough, to really try. Thus why I dropped out. Now at 23, with my own place, bill, rent, a job. I find myself feeling mature enough to apply myself, yet still the same old habits emerge. Procrastination sets in, even now instead of writing out an essay I find myself posting to my Blog. Something I tend to not do. I feel I'm ready to hunker down and do well for once in school. Yet at the same time I don't feel up to the challenge. As if for some reason I'm still not ready.

nostalgia break

I wrote this in highschool...

The Toast

As you look back,At the life you've lived
The times you've had,The times you've missed
People you love ,Come in and go out
The world is harsh,So we all find out
Life is just deaths begin,I say its worth it
When you have friends,Those at the pub
Are the ones I'll miss most,Telling life's stories
And drinking our beer,When death comes knocking
I wont be scared,I'll just have a beer
And be on my way,To see the saint
Who guards the gate,When he asks what life means to me
Ill share with him my memories,Life is short
Deaths not the end,With a beer in hand
Ill take a stand,In front of the angels
And everyone there,Ill make the toast
For all to hear

Yeah, I can't tell if I really had any talent at writing or not. Least I could finish what I started writing...

MMmmm Brains!

As I sat down this afternoon, after previously making a chicken sandwich for lunch, I did my usual routine of turning on the television. After surfing a bit I came across an old black and white John Wayne movie. One of this WWII movies, of which I didn't catch the name. While watching I couldn't help but feel that male actors just weren't as cool as they used to be. Try as they might Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and George Clooney will never measure up to the likes of John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, and even Elvis Presley (Who I personally am not that big of a fan). The typical guy can look up to the main protagonist in a John Wayne movie because it's the A-Typical male. He doesn't take a lot of time to say what he has to say. Doesn't bring more attention than is necessary to himself. Can show genuine feelings for a woman to his buddies without the fear that they'll give him shit, thus warranting their respect instead of their sass. Actors of our past were true men, in regards that their service history wasn't only as long as their imdb listing. Many of them served in the military. An ATT Rep I deal with regularly is a former Army Reservist, who had toured in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was telling me how Bruce Willis had gone to visit them, and was staying in a bombed out old Hotel where he and a group of other soldiers were staying. I heard all about how Bruce Willis, of Die Hard fame...Mr. "Yippie Kay Yay Mother Fucker" complained and bitched and moaned about not having a bed, hot water, or even electricity. Had Steve McQueen been able to visit the troops over seas, I'm sure he'd have made himself as comfortable as possible, and would have spent his time there boosting troops morale. Not being a verified Asshat.

Just another reason why actors these days suck compared to those of our past.